• Sculpture
  • Thoughts
  • Statement
  • CV
  • Menu

Building Things

(Some Assembly Required)
  • Sculpture
  • Thoughts
  • Statement
  • CV
20201120_121236.jpg

It Wasn't Supposed to be Like This

November 20, 2020

Many years ago (maybe not that many), this place was different.

When I changed my major from Art Education to Studio Art, I pretty much lived in this room. Back then, it didn’t look like this - that wall behind the media blaster had yet to be built and we didn’t have that fancy drill press. I think the vacuum is original equipment. There were screens to segment the welding area (where I spent most of my time) from the woodworking area. This is where I had my first exposure to a mig welder and a plasma cutter. I thought they were magical. They’re a little terrifying when you’re learning how to use them but that’s soon replaced by what you’re able to do with them.

I started working as a University Assistant, which meant I supervised the open lab hours. I worked a few hours a couple nights a week. People were always coming in and out; usually the same people. We got food delivered sometimes. We played loud music in the classroom. I made friendships that I’ll value for the rest of my life.

Recently, my friend and mentor, who set me on the path to sculpture and has been a constant in my life since then, approached me and asked if I would like to come back and work again. Fuck yes! Unfortunately my stupid ass hung on to the dead end job I had at the time, and it was a while until I actually started working.

I hadn’t been on campus in a minute - at least three years. A lot of things were different, but walking into that building, and that classroom, and that shop, it felt a little like I had never left. There’s a smell to the shop and I fucking love it. It’s the smell of creation.

And yet, something was missing. All the machines were there but the people were not. I won’t get into the why and the how - I think we all know that by now. But what you might not know is that there is silence where there was once noise. The new air filtration system that got installed is deafening but sometimes I run it to pretend that I’m not the only one here. Instead of sawdust, sparks, metal shavings, paint, plaster drips, power drills, angle grinders, bandsaws, laughing, swearing, yelling, discussing and crying there really isn’t much at all. There aren’t even that many other people in the building.

I know why it has to be this way, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. The one student that I see says “stay safe” when she leaves. Not have a good weekend, or see you next week, or something stupid or funny - “stay safe”. And that breaks my heart, because I fear that she’ll never have what I had all those years ago. I fear that instead of a living, breathing, sometimes unforgiving environment, surrounded by her peers, she has Zoom and Teams and material sign out sheets and a uniquely solitary experience.

But I know she has good teachers, and she’s in good hands. She makes the best of it. Which, I guess, is all we can do given the circumstances. Maybe I’m taking it too personally. Maybe I expected to return and find everything just the way I left it. Maybe it’s another symptom of me being stuck on where I’ve been rather than where I’m going.

I think back on my time at SCSU often, probably moreso now that I’m working there again. It was a classic case of not knowing how good you had it until it’s over. After graduation, I really didn’t have a lot of direction in life. I struggled with art needing to be my career after having spent so much time (and money) learning it. Only recently, and I mean very recently, did I learn that the career and the passion don’t have to be the same thing (and perhaps it’s better if they’re kept apart). So now I’m on a different path, but I once again have access to the tools that shaped me all those years ago. There’s big lapses in my creative periods, but hopefully that won’t be the case in the near future. There was a time when I had a stable enough income to create on the side, but I was too preoccupied with what I didn’t have, and what I thought I wanted, that I wasted that.

March of this year pressed the reset button on a lot of things. It brought others to a halt. I think that the community that once flourished here, the community that made me, will return. I don’t know when, or if it’ll be the same. I guess we do have to grow up eventually. I made a lot of mistakes back then that I don’t want to repeat. It’s important to remember that maybe it wasn’t as much of a mistake if you learned something from it.

I can’t wait until this place feels alive again, because right now this sucks. I could go on and on, but maybe that’ll be in another blog. Or maybe not.

Until then, stay safe out there.

Prev / Next

The Blog

Rarely updated, opinions mine.

Thanks for reading.


More Pictures, Less Words

First week ✅
Thank you @brianfailz for being the best buddy
#dattolife #ops
Even though I'm on the ground at Norwalk it was still cool to get a swag delivery! And Loki appreciated it too. #datto #dattolife #dattopets #officeistoobigandigetlost
Something to Believe In

2020

Stainless steel, cherry

This actually began as something to do with 9/11, but after some thought I didn't think I had an important enough message to associate with it. As with most of my work, there's a relationship be
Strike

2020

Stainless steel

#sculpture #art #metal #welding #movement
Slight

2020

Stainless steel

#sculpture #art #metal #welding #movement